Hubris and despair. That’s how I’ve seen it described, what I’m doing (pursuing a PhD). And it’s actually spot on. Five years of confusion are behind me now, and tomorrow I have to defend the finished product before an external examiner, a board of university people, my colleagues, a gaggle of students taking a course on critical literacy, and my family and friends. Nerves? I don’t have the energy. I’m just here, you know, polishing my armour and waiting for the sun to rise over the field that will be drenched by the carnage.
By now I just want it to be over. It will be such a draining day. All the things that freak me out, all on one long day! First being criticised by the most intelligent person I’ve met in front of people that belong to very different parts of my life (identity clash, anyone?), and then dash home to prepare for a party for 35 frigging people. All fun of course, but Jesus. I’ll be DEAD on Saturday.
So to steel myself, I went for an extra long deluxe walk, and I stopped in the middle to record a bit of rambling for you. No need to watch! 😀